How my queerness saved me.
A few weeks ago I got mad at myself when I wasn’t able to focus on “work”. How could I when what I was seeing with my very own eyeballs felt undeniably urgent. I quickly reframed my way of thinking. This IS my work. This has always been my work. Can’t believe I even need to state this but, for me, calling out the ongoing human rights violations and speaking out against genocide are both stances I will never regret taking.
I understand this is a lot for everyone to process. We’re coming at it from all angles, experiences and very real & valid emotions…or maybe not coming at it in any way whatsoever. Approaching each other with gentleness & CURIOSITY about our individual experiences is going to get us through this.
That gentleness does not mean I'm not outraged by those in power who will always have other intentions outside of taking care of us. I will continue to question those making these decisions & will continue to learn about the WHY behind it all, while also unpacking my part in upholding those systems because of my own indoctrination & whiteness. I’ve had more clarity over the past few years and planning for longevity with the right people is important to me. I'm committed to that. I am focusing my energy on listening & having conversations with Palestinian friends & educators, black friends, educators and artists and Jewish friends particularly those who are working toward Palestinian liberation. I hope you stick with me in this & call out hatred & the inhumane treatment of groups of people who are NOT those in power.
Instilling us with fear & getting us to turn our backs on each other is a distraction to keep us from coming together for liberation for all human beings. 🖤
STAY CURIOUS. SEEK TRUTH. FREE PALESTINE.
I'M LEARNING THAT:
☑️ There are some issues we can unpack together and then there is that deep work we need to tackle solo. In our own time. An uncomfortable but freeing process. Some never make it to that point. Let them be.
☑️ The right people will find you.
☑️ The conversations you’re craving will find you if you’re open to it.
☑️ I’m still in the process of figuring out how to share my views in ways that feel safe for me.
☑️ We have a deep desire to be understood.
☑️ We can’t expect people to understand us.
☑️ The history is there. Waiting for us. Get into it if you haven’t already.
Back in 2021, I started with a Google search “what is Nakba?”…my quest for knowledge has not stopped & has only been fueled even more by the tragedies unfolding over the last month. This has forever changed me.
I will never stop being intrigued by human beings. Responses or lack thereof. How they tick. What place they’re speaking from and what their intentions are in that approach. Now more than ever we need to meet each other with a curiosity and a sense of compassion, all while managing to stand our ground in what we feel aligns with our values. Never lose that. Make time to discover your core values & your non negotiables. This can be a challenging task when experiencing indoctrination starting from inside the womb and every single day after that.
Many of you know I was raised Pentecostal with a lot of teachings being centered around Christian Zionism. I didn’t know that term when I was a kid, I just knew that my church was obsessed with Israel [see CUFI Christians United for Israel]. In school, we would pledge allegiance to the American flag, the Christian flag and the Bible every morning. In church, we would sing songs about being in the Lord’s army with our mission to save people from burning in hell. My friend’s parents led organized trips to the Holy Land, and for a while there a shofar was blown in our services.
I was instructed to believe a set of values, a way of life, told how to vote and what/who to fear and then surrounded only by the people believing and enforcing those beliefs. When this is your experience in church and every day from K-8th grade, it quickly becomes your entire identity. Even questioning it internally feels dangerous. Isolating. To think differently could have you labeled as a “backslider” [a term used within Evangelical Christianity to describe a process by which an individual who has converted to Christianity reverts to pre-conversion habits and/or lapses or falls into sin, when a person turns from God to pursue their own desire].
I was talking to a friend and we were acknowledging the fact that we were both thankful for our queerness. My being queer is the very thing that was the catalyst for my questioning and ultimately it saved me in my late 20s. I’ll go a step further and say my queerness has continued to save me over the past couple of years as I expand my way of thinking and therefore expand my goal of inclusivity and what it truly means to be free.
I get that this will not resonate with everyone. What I’ve continued to post online in a call for a ceasefire & an end to the occupation will not be supported by everyone. I have been called a “radical psycho.” Honestly, I’m resting easier these days coming to terms with the fact that yes, I am radical [very different from the usual or traditional] and meh…I’M NOT FOR EVERYONE.
What I do know is that I will continue to do what I set out to accomplish at the start of my career…and that is to share stories & photographs in hopes of humanizing groups of people who are oppressed and showing that they [WE] deserve love, peace, happiness, safety, equal rights & a magical life. That has never once steered me in the wrong direction. Continuing to question those in power & questioning what I was raised to believe was the ultimate truth has also set me free in ways I can’t begin to tell you.
Here are a few films I’ve watched that I’ve found to be helpful in finding more clarity over the past couple of years. Go wild after that and don’t let your voice be bullied or encouraged into silence and falling in line. Embrace being radical if that feels right for you. In the process, remember to be good to each other, call out hatred in all of its forms, be good to yourself and get lost in seeking truth always. I love you.
FILMS, DOCS & TALKS:
[the ones checked off I’ve seen.]
These are meant to be a starting point. If you want recs on books I’m reading & podcasts I’m listening to please drop me a line. I welcome any other films to add to my ongoing list. My heart is with my Palestinian friends who have shared firsthand experiences with me. To the brave Palestinian journalists and storytellers on the ground in Gaza risking their lives to provide coverage for us in English all while being starved, bombed, losing their families, loved ones & homes…Thank you Bisan, Motaz and Plestia [to name a few]. I will never forget you.
☑️ 5 BROKEN CAMERAS [2011]
A deeply personal first-hand account of life and nonviolent resistance in Bil'in, a West Bank village where Israel is building a security fence. Palestinian Emad Burnat, who bought his first camera in 2005 to record the birth of his youngest son, shot the film and Israeli filmmaker Guy Davidi co-directed.
☑️ THE OCCUPATION OF THE AMERICAN MIND [2016]
The film explores how the Israeli government, the US government, and the pro-Israel lobby have joined forces, often with very different motives and interests, to shape American media coverage of the conflict in Israel’s favor. The result is a stunning look at how — and why — American media coverage of the conflict regularly minimizes the occupation, vilifies critics of Israeli policy, and dehumanizes the Palestinian people.
☑️ PALESTINE FESTIVAL OF LITERATURE [2023]
But We Must Speak: On Palestine & The Mandates of Conscience.
☑️ GAZA HEALTH UNDER SIEGE [2018]
Witness the daily realities affecting the management of human health-related systems under the blockade: access to clean water and hospital care as well as effective food and waste management. After three wars in eight years and an ongoing eleven-year blockade, how are the people of Gaza coping? This is a story about extraordinary citizens trying to keep others alive and healthy, whether it be by securing access to clean water while maintaining waste management systems, or ensuring that the hospital emergency rooms have power.
☑️ ISRAELISM [2023]
When two young American Jews raised to unconditionally love Israel witness the brutal way Israel treats Palestinians, their lives take sharp left turns. They join a movement of young American Jews battling the old guard to redefine Judaism’s relationship with Israel, revealing a deepening generational divide over modern Jewish identity.
☑️ GAZA FIGHTS FOR FREEDOM [2019]
A documentary about the historic Great March Of Return protests, which occurred every week from March 2018 until December 2019, but covers so much more. It tells the story of Gaza past and present, showing rare archival footage that explains the history never acknowledged by mass media. You hear from victims of the ongoing massacre, including journalists, medics and the family of internationally-acclaimed paramedic, Razan al-Najjar. At its core, ‘Gaza Fights For Freedom’ is a thorough indictment of the Israeli military for war crimes with exclusive documentary evidence and a stunning cinematic portrayal of Palestinians' heroic resistance.
☑️ 1948: CREATION + CATASTROPHE [2018]
Through riveting and moving personal recollections of both Palestinians and Israelis, 1948: Creation & Catastrophe reveals the shocking events of the most pivotal year in the most controversial conflict in the world.
It tells the story of the establishment of Israel as seen through the eyes of the people who lived it. But rather than being a history lesson, this documentary is a primer for the present.
☑️ WITH GOD ON OUR SIDE [2010]
With God On Our Side takes a look at the theology of Christian Zionism, which teaches that because the Jews are God's chosen people, they have a divine right to the land of Israel. Aspects of this belief system lead some Christians in the West to give uncritical support to Israeli government policies, even those that privilege Jews at the expense of Palestinians, leading to great suffering among Muslim and Christian Palestinians alike and threatening Israel's security as a whole. Is there a Biblical alternative for Christians who want to love and support the people of Israel? A way that doesn't favor one people group over another but instead promotes peace and reconciliation for both Jews and Palestinians?
☑️ TIL KINGDOM COME [2021]
Pastors encourage an impoverished Kentucky community, “The forgotten people of America”, to donate to Israel in anticipation of Jesus's impending return. The film exposes the controversial bond between Evangelicals and Jews, in a story of faith, power and money, revealing how Trump’s America is led by an End-Times apocalyptic countdown.
☑️ I AM FROM PALESTINE [2023]
Award-winning children’s animation about the Palestinian-American experience in K-12 schools. Synopsis: As Saamidah, a young Palestinian-American girl, anxiously starts her first day of school, she finds her identity in question when faced with a world map that doesn't include her homeland. Based off the book: Baba What Does My Name Mean? A Journey to Palestine, Written by Rifk Ebeid, Illustrated by Lamaa Jawhari.
☑️ HOPE IN THE HOLY LAND [2020]
An American Christian with a deep love for Israel, who sets off on a journey across the Holy Land to confront his indifference toward the Palestinians and to search for the deeper truths behind one of the most perplexing and polarizing conflicts in the world. Along the way, he discovers the painful struggles of Jews, Muslims and Christians on both sides of the conflict. The result is an enlightening journey that exposes viewers to perspectives rarely seen in the media, and a challenge to a man’s heart to love his enemy.
☑️ KING BIBI [2018]
Benjamin Netanyahu knew how to manipulate the media long before Trump. The film explores Netanyahu’s rise to power, from popular TV guest to controversial world leader, reflected through four decades of public appearances that changed Israel forever.
☑️ THE HUMAN FACTOR [2021]
The epic behind-the-scenes story of the United States' 30-year effort to secure peace in the Middle East is recounted from the perspective of the American mediators on the front lines.
☑️ TWO BLUE LINES [2017]
Filmed over 25 years, this expansive and incisive film explores the impact of Jewish settlement on the Palestinians, from before the creation of the state of Israel to the present day.
☑️ A PEOPLE WITHOUT A LAND [2014]
Settlement expansion across Palestine is out of control. Is the patchwork of remaining Palestinian land now so fragmented it could never form a viable future state? This incisive film explores the question of whether Israeli settlers have destroyed all hope of return for the villages' original occupants and asks if the One State Solution is doomed beyond hope of being salvaged.
☑️ IT IS NO DREAM [2012]
This film explores the life and accomplishments of Theodor Herzl, father of the modern state of Israel. Herzl, a well known journalist and playwright, horrified by the Dreyfus trial in Paris and the anti-Semitism he saw spreading across Europe, took upon himself the task of attempting to create a Jewish homeland in Palestine. Over the span of 8 years, Herzl organized and led a worldwide political movement that within 50 years led to the establishment of the state of Israel. It is No Dream follows Herzl as he meets with Kings, Prime Ministers, Ambassadors, a Sultan, a Pope and government ministers in his quest to build a Jewish nation.
☑️ OUT IN THE DARK [2012]
A drama centered on the love affair between two men on opposite sites of the Mid-East conflict: Palestinian student Nimer and Roy, an Israeli lawyer.
☑️ BORN IN GAZA [2014]
Filmed during the 2014 siege of Gaza, which left 507 children dead and 3,598 wounded, 'Born in Gaza' follows a group of young children growing up in a war zone.
☑️ Roadmap to Apartheid [2012] WATCH HERE
☑️ Rabin in His Own Words [2016]
☑️ Ben Gurion Epilogue [2023]
☑️ OMAR [2013]
☑️ TANTURA [2022]
The Long Way Home [1997]